Let’s face it, cruising would be perfect if weren’t for all the passengers. I get that the cruising industry ultimately needs people to stay afloat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about them. Why only 7? Because it’s my Cranky list and I can do what I want.
7. Mr. and Mrs. Caribbean: Ugh…Mr. and Mrs. Caribbean. These are the people who only cruise the Caribbean and pretend that they know everything and everyone on every island. “We’ve been cruising the Caribbean for the past 35 years. Make sure you see Fred at the Senor Frog in Aruba, he’ll take good care of you.” A. just because you’ve been going to the Caribbean every year for the past 35 years doesn’t make you an expert, it makes you annoying and uninteresting. B. The last time I was in Senor Frogs, my margarita tasted like they melted a cherry flavored snow cone, let it sit outside for 5 days and put a half a shot of Bob’s Tequila in it (but that’s for a different list). Mr. and Mrs. Caribbean score a 6 out of a possible 10 on the Cranky-O-Meter.
6. The Germaphobe’s: I understand that no one wants to get sick when they’re cruising. Washing your hands and using the hand sanitizer before going into a dining room is more than sufficient. Stop worrying about every little cough or sneeze you hear. Stop talking to me about how you read horror stories about Norovirus on some cruise in the Mediterranean. I was on a ship in Hawaii when a case of Noro broke out (again, a story for another blog) and it was not fun, but I didn’t dwell on it. Stop Freaking Out! The Germaphobe’s score only a 4 out of 10 on my Cranky-0-Meter, because at least they’re not spreading sickness.
5. The CoughSneezeHandwipers: As much as the Germaphobe’s make me Cranky, they pale in comparison to the CoughSneezeHandwiper. These are the folks who actually think it’s ok to cough or sneeze in their hands, wipe the germ filled hand on their pants or shorts and just go about their business. If I’m ever unfortunate to be next to a CoughSneezeHandwiper, two things happen. First, I call them out on the CoughSneezeHandwipe. Then, I point them to the nearest bathroom and/or hand sanitizer station. If you have children who are CoughSneezeHandwipers, I suggest carrying some travel tissue and travel sanitizer. If find can’t find the proper way to cough and sneeze here is an instructional video. PLEASE take 1:30 minutes out of your day to review it. The CoughSneezeHandwipers score 8 out 10 on my Cranky-O-Meter, because they are disgusting.
4. Mr. and Mrs. International: Similar to Mr. and Mrs. Caribbean, Mr. and Mrs. International are those people who claim to have cruised all over the world. Of course, no one can be sure if they are telling the truth or not, and it doesn’t matter, because when they speak it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard. You people are annoying and phony. Great, you’ve cruised from Dubai to Australia 3 years ago. How many people did you make Cranky on that cruise? I’m all for traveling the world, but don’t bore other people with your “stories” when all I want to do is enjoy a Mai Tai in peace. Mr. and Mrs. International score a 7 out of 10 on the Cranky-O-Meter.
3. The Chair Savers: From those morons who think they’re being clever by leaving a towel and drink on a folding chair by the pool, then leave for 45 min to stuff their face at the buffet; to the Einstein’s who leave every piece of clothing they can find to hold seats for their buddies in the theater to watch the washed up magician. Indeed, the Chair Savers are a breed of their own. A couple of years ago, I was on a cruise on the Rhapsody of the Seas. I’m not a pool person, so I rarely go outside on the pool deck. However, this day I felt a little less Cranky than usual and took a stroll pool side. I ordered a drink at the bar and talked with a married couple from Canada. We were talking about different trips and how annoying people are. That’s when they told me about an incident they had with a Chair Saver on a prior cruise. It was their day at sea and the pool was packed. They saw two empty chairs with towels draped over them and a wine glass in between the two chairs. They waited at the bar for 30 min before claiming the seats. Approximately 15 min later, two young ladies came back outraged that the couple had taken their seats. The husband informed the one young lady that they had been waiting over 30 min before sitting down, and that was 15 minutes before the girls even showed back up. The two young women “explained” that the towels and glass of wine saved the chairs for them and that everyone knows that. The couple finally relented and gave the girls the seats back. Have mercy on my soul. The Chair Savers definitely get a 10 out of 10 on the Cranky-O-Meter.
2. Flip Flop Guy: The two places where it’s ok for guys to wear flip flops are as follows; 1. on the way to the pool; 2. on the way back from the pool. That’s right, I said it. Nobody wants to see your hairy, knuckle feet anywhere else. I understand it’s your vacation. And yes, you have every right to wear whatever you want. Just know, that you have ugly feet and are making people sick all around you. Sebastian Maniscalco says is best, “Sock It”. Flip Flop Guy gets a 5 out of 10 on the Cranky-O-Meter.
1. The Complainer: I know what you’re thinking. “Wait a minute, Cranky Cruiser. All you’ve been doing is complaining this entire blog. Aren’t you being a hypocrite?” First off, no. All of my complaints are justified. Secondly, I don’t complain during the moment, I wait to vent my Crankiness to you fine folks. No, The Complainer I’m referring too complains about literally, everything. From the moment they step on the ship, to the moment they disembark, The Complainer has nothing nice to say about anything or anyone on the entire cruise. You can probably spot The Complainer’s instantly. They’re the ones who are standing in line complaining at the Pursers Desk before they are even able to get into their stateroom. These are the people who expect everything to be just perfect, and if it’s not, they turn the Complaining up a notch. Here’s some of the things you might hear a Complainer say.
“This isn’t what I thought it was, I want you to return this.”
“Why are there so many kids on this cruise?”
“There hasn’t been one show on this cruise that I’ve liked.”
“Boy, I know it’s a ship, but does it really have to rock that much?”
“The Sun is so bright today, I can’t even do anything.”
My personal favorite. “I’ve been on 20 cruise ships and this is the worst one, ever.”
These are actual comments that I’ve heard multiple times from The Complainers. Listen closely on your next cruise, you might just hear one them. The Complainers definitely get a 10 out of 10 on the Cranky-O-Meter.
Well that’s my list of the 7 most annoying passengers you can find on cruise ships. What did I get right? More importantly, what did I get wrong? Who would you add or remove from this list? I want to know. Remember, I’m the Cranky Cruiser, if you don’t like it, I don’t care.
Check out some of our other cruise topics: 9 Reasons Why Formal Night Needs to Go, 8 Reasons to Cruise with Your Kids, 10 Best Reasons to Cruise, Family Cruising – Fact vs Fiction, 20 unexpected costs of cruising, and 10 Tips to Save Money on Your Next Cruise.
Going on cruise this Summer? Look for the Cranky Cruiser for your chance to win a free Cranky Cruiser T-shirt. Follow the Cranky Cruiser on Facebook, Twitter @dacrankycruiser and Instagram @thecrankycruiser for upcoming Cranky Cruiser Cruises and Giveaway’s.